


i can see it (heroes, just for one day)

by dayflies



Series: everybody's changing and i don't feel the same [1]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys Kissing, Choi Soobin-Centric, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I just really love this movie, Just boys having fun, M/M, OT5, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, much love for the perks of being a wallflower, this is purely selfindulgent, very niche and overly specific references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24001924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayflies/pseuds/dayflies
Summary: And maybe Soobin is just a little bit too obsessed. When mulling it over in his head, it’s something to be proud of, really; he never loves something halfway.(in which Soobin takes advantage of Yeonjun’s newly acquired driver’s license to recreate a scene from his favourite film)
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Series: everybody's changing and i don't feel the same [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882384
Comments: 15
Kudos: 110





	i can see it (heroes, just for one day)

**Author's Note:**

> yeonbin and coming of age movies really do be living rent-free in my brain.  
> you don’t need to have watched the perks of being a wallflower to understand this fic, but it would be useful to know that the main character is called Charlie and played by Logan Lerman, and his two friends are Sam and Patrick, which are played by Emma Watson and Ezra Miller  
> and you can find the infamous tunnel scene that soobin wants to recreate [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcpql-KgF5g)
> 
> the title is partly from that scene, and partly from Heroes by David Bowie
> 
> general disclaimer that this is, of course, all fictional!

Choi Soobin’s most prized possession is a box shoved under his bed, filled to the brim with photographs he has accumulated since the tender age of 15, where his parents had gifted him a pastel yellow Polaroid camera.

Soobin takes photos of all kinds of things he sees in his life, mainly of the sunset and his immediate, and only, friend group consisting of the intelligent, sarcastic Taehyun; happy go lucky Huening Kai; wry, laidback Beomgyu; and the charismatic, rebellious Yeonjun. Soobin is by no means a photographer, but he _is_ overly nostalgic and he’d quickly found out that capturing brief, fleeting moments in time; his bedroom in the early morning hours; Beomgyu’s loud, explosive laughter over something silly Huening Kai had done; the golden, pink and yellow hues of the sun setting over the city, was a great outlet.

And, maybe, just maybe, he spends some nights looking through his large collection of printed photos, meticulously sorted according to the date he’d taken them, with big fat tears streaming down his face and sad music from his crying playlist blasting from his speakers. That’s only when the nostalgic longing for his childhood and early high school days that most definitely hadn’t been as idyllic as he made them out to be in his head seemed to overflow, his large body too small to contain everything. Not that his life had been bad by any means – he just tends to romanticize it. He knows this, of course, but that doesn’t stop him from viewing his memories through rose tinted glasses, almost like a coming of age movie, a soundtrack consisting of indie-rock music playing in the background of every scene. 

What can he say, he’s nostalgic and clings onto old memories, almost with desperation, like a child holding on to a teddy bear, his hands getting tingly, then numb whenever he thinks about how he, and everyone around him are bound to grow up.

He doesn’t want it. 

Doesn’t want Yeonjun to graduate from high school a whole year before him, doesn’t want Huening Kai to stop collecting plushies as he gets older, doesn’t want Beomgyu and Taehyun to ever give up their idealistic dreams of forming an indie band together, doesn’t want their friend group; his _sanctuary_ , to drift apart, breaking away from the little island they have created for themselves in the midst of a world that’s always moving too fast. 

Soobin suspects this is why coming of age films are his favourite to watch, consuming them on grey, heavy days like one would consume comfort food. Something about the unbreakable friend groups, scenes with the characters lounging on rooftops watching the sunset or going on chaotic road trips as a last hurrah for their youth, stir something in his chest.

In fact, Soobin’s favourite movie (and book) is The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which arguably is one of the most coming of age-like coming of age stories in existence. Not only does The Perks of Being a Wallflower depict an introverted, anxious, shy boy coming into himself, finding his place in the world, and within a group of friends who love him for who he is, but it also has The Scene. 

The Scene being Soobin’s favourite moment in any film in existence, the most iconic line, which has managed to encapsulate everything he loves about the box of Polaroids under his bed, better than he could ever describe in his own words.

_And in this moment, I swear we are infinite._

Taking photos is like entering a little pocket in the past, a moment that will never happen again; it is infinite, the lines of the photograph forever etched into a slip of glossy paper. Movies never age, and neither does pictures. The little box under his bed contains his entire youth, immortalized.

He’s well aware that it’s extremely cheesy, that he probably lives the life of some Tumblr user from 2012, and his friends love to poke fun of him for it. 

(But they still give in whenever Soobin forces them to watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower for the umpteenth time, making silent bets about whether Soobin will cry when Logan Lerman slowly stands up in the back of the black pickup truck as he, Sam and Patrick drive through the tunnel, his inner monologue transitioning to the opening of Heroes by David Bowie. He cries every time; tears dripping down his cheeks as he silently mouths every word of Charlie’s voiceover.)

* * *

It's Soobin’s endless love for the movie that brings the boys outside on a warm night in late April, the weekend after Yeonjun has gotten his driver’s license. They’ve borrowed Yeonjun’s parents’ car and an old trailer from Beomgyu’s neighbor which they attach to the back, and Taehyun thinks this has to be the dumbest idea Soobin has ever had.

“Hyung, this is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had,” he says, bluntly voicing his thoughts, and Soobin dismisses him with a wave, a small backpack containing his beloved Polaroid camera and a bag of lollipops slung over one shoulder – there were 15 lollipops in the bag, Soobin had made sure there were exactly three lollipops for each person.

“We’ll be fine Taehyunnie, Yeonjun hyung is a good driver, right hyung?” he says, turning to Yeonjun who preens at his words, puffing out his chest with an air of boastfulness. 

“Just humor him this one time,” Beomgyu says, and Taehyun splutters.

“Once? We’ve watched that fucking movie at least 50 times with him, haven’t we suffered enough?” he asks, pointing accusingly at Soobin to no avail, as the others filter into the car, Yeonjun in the driver’s seat, Soobin as shotgun, and Huening Kai and Beomgyu in the backseat, the latter patting the empty seat next to him, looking expectantly at Taehyun. Taehyun rolls his eyes, shoulders slumping in defeat.

“Fine,” he mumbles, crawling into the car, smacking the door behind him. “But dibs on not standing on the trailer. Hell if I’m risking my life for Soobin hyung’s weird ass obsession,” he says, glaring at Soobin in the side-view mirror, the other boy shrinking a little, looking a bit sheepish.

And maybe Soobin is just a little bit too obsessed. When mulling it over in his head, it’s something to be proud of, really; he never loves something halfway. Rather, he loves fiercely with his entire being or with nothing at all. He doesn’t have many friends, but the ones he has, take up so much space in his heart that he sometimes feels a bit overwhelmed, like when Huening Kai makes one of his strange, high pitched shrieks, and Soobin feels an uncontrollable wave of affection rolling over his body. 

When he finds a particular song he likes, it’s the only thing he listens to for weeks on end, often driving the other boys insane in the process. 

When he finds a movie he really loves, he watches it repeatedly without ever tiring of it, and the other boys are half certain Soobin knows every line to at least a few coming of age films, as well as the second Shrek movie, song lyrics included. And Soobin just so happens to live and breathe for The Perks of Being a Wallflower, so naturally he’d wanted to reenact the tunnel scene, practically begging Yeonjun on his knees as soon as the older boy had gotten his license. 

(Soobin hadn’t needed to beg, one pleading look from him and Yeonjun would have given in in a heartbeat). 

* * *

And so, the boys find themselves parked by the side of the road, a few kilometers from a tunnel that definitely doesn’t stretch nowhere near as long as the one from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Soobin, Beomgyu, Taehyun and Huening Kai are standing, or sitting in Beomgyu’s case, on the grass, discussing who takes Logan Lerman’s role. The road is practically vacant, only a few sparse cars zooming by. Yeonjun sits in the car with the door wide open, plugging his phone to the AUX cord to put on Soobin’s Perks of Being a Wallflower playlist, queuing the official tunnel songs up first. Songs in plural because the book and the movie uses two different ones; the book uses Fleetwood Mac’s Landslide, while the movie uses David Bowie’s Heroes, so Soobin, unable to choose, had opted for using both. 

“Remember I already called dibs on not doing it,” Taehyun reminds them. “Whatever,” Beomgyu says, twirling a strawberry lollipop between his fingers from where he’s sitting on the grass. “Why don’t you do it Soobin hyung?”

Soobin flattens the seed head of a dandelion with his sneaker-clad foot, the white, fluffy ball appearing blue in the dark. “I’m too scared. I don’t wanna do it by myself,” he admits, eyeing the rusty trailer.

“Okay, that settles it then,” Taehyun says resolutely. “Soobin hyung, Beomgyu hyung and Hyuka play Charlie, me and Yeonjun hyung play Patrick and Sam,”

Beomgyu takes out the lollipop from his mouth to stare at Taehyun, the perfectly round, pink candy shining in the moonlight.

“I am not standing up on that thing,” he says, pointing at the trailer with the lollipop.

“Who said you need to stand up? Just support Binnie hyung and Hyuka so they don’t fall or something. You don’t have to stand up for that,” Taehyun shrugs, as Huening Kai frowns, sucking on an orange lollipop, the wrapper curled in one fist.

“Wait, why do I have to do it?”

“Beomgyu is a scaredy cat, so it has to be you who stands with Soobin hyung,”

“I’m not a scaredy cat. Why the hell can’t you do it?”

“I called dibs!”

“Real mature, Taehyun,”

“Are you guys ready?” Yeonjun calls from the car, looking at the other boys with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Taehyun answers, skipping back to the car, just as Beomgyu says “no” and Huening Kai says “I guess,” and Soobin is beginning to have second thoughts as he watches Beomgyu slowly rise to his feet, the younger boy glaring viciously at Taehyun’s back. Soobin reaches out, pulling at Beomgyu’s arm.

“Gyu, we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he mumbles, and Beomgyu’s expression softens.

“Hyung, we’re just playing around. Of course we’ll do it,” Beomgyu assures him, turning his head to look at Huening Kai who nods eagerly, his dark hair flopping about on his head.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun! Even better than the movie!” he says, and Soobin smiles. “Okay,” he says, watching as Beomgyu climbs into the trailer. He reaches his arms out to Soobin, helping him into the trailer, as Taehyun sticks his head out of the window from the passenger seat.

“You guys know you can unlatch the back right?” he asks, and Beomgyu scoffs, as Soobin helps Huening Kai into the vehicle.

“Of course we know that. This is just faster,” Beomgyu says, his words slightly muffled from the lollipop. The three boys make themselves comfortable, sitting side by side with Soobin in the middle, and Yeonjun starts driving, slow at first like a rollercoaster before the inevitable drop. Soobin is sure all the older boy can see when he looks in the rearview mirror is Beomgyu’s, Soobin’s and Huening Kai’s backs (in that order). 

Landslide starts playing, and Yeonjun turns it up loud enough for Soobin to hear the song clearly. The soft acoustic instrumentals do little to calm Soobin’s rapidly beating heart, as the wind grips onto his hair. Soobin takes his Polaroid camera out from the backpack, snapping a photo of the road, and manages to capture a lone, red car driving towards them. He gives the printed photo to Huening Kai to hold onto, snapping a photo of him in the process, as the younger boy waves the still blank photo in the air, one cheek bulging outwards, with the stick of the lollipop poking out of the corner of his lips like an unlit cigarette. Lowering the camera, Soobin stares at the road, stares at how the world is moving backwards, away from him.

“Hyung, the tunnel!” Beomgyu shouts over the sound of Stevie Nicks’ raspy voice singing about ocean tides and changing seasons, and Soobin twists his head around to see the tunnel coming closer. He shares a look with Huening Kai, both of them nodding. Huening Kai is still sucking on the lollipop, as he hands Soobin the photograph, the dark road barely visible on the glossy paper. The tunnel is nearing, and Taehyun sticks part of his head out past the window again to look at the trio in the trailer with a huge, anticipating grin, his brown hair whipping around his head. Soobin puts his camera and the photos into his backpack, which he hands to Beomgyu. Huening Kai likewise takes out his orange lollipop, holding it out for Beomgyu who immediately scoffs at him.

“I could drop it!” Huening Kai reasons.

“Then throw it out!” Beomgyu retorts, rolling his eyes when Huening Kai pouts. He takes the lollipop nonetheless, before throwing it over the side of the car as Huening Kai screams at him. 

“Never mind that!” Soobin shouts, watching the nearing tunnel, and Huening Kai sulks, but holds onto Soobin regardless as they slowly get up on their feet, legs shaky and unsteady, turning around to face the front. Yeonjun slows down the car from its previous, already relatively low pace.

“Oh my fucking god!” Beomgyu shouts, supporting Soobin’s legs from where he’s seated, and Soobin swears he has never been so terrified in his entire life.

Huening Kai is shrieking in his ear, Beomgyu is cursing, and he thinks he might be screaming too, the two boys fearfully clinging onto each other as the wind rips at their clothes. As the tunnel encloses over them, blocking out the sparse light of the moon, Soobin distinctly notes that the song has changed from Landslide to Heroes. He watches the yellow overhead lights of the tunnel passing by in flashes, and suddenly Beomgyu is standing up next to him, blonde hair flying, no lollipop in sight, arms encircling Soobin and hands gripping onto Huening Kai’s. Soobin feels the corners of his lips draw up into a dimpled grin.

“Say it!” Huening Kai screams as a car honks their horn at them.

“Say what?” Soobin shouts back, feeling disoriented.

“The line!”

“But it’s an inner monologue!”

“Fuck that!” Beomgyu shouts.

Yeonjun exclaims something unintelligible from the driver’s seat. The exit of the tunnel gets increasingly bigger, open space coming closer and closer. Soobin takes a deep breath.

“AND IN THIS MOMENT I SWEAR, WE ARE INFINITE!” Soobin screams at the top of his lungs, hair blowing away from his face. He doesn’t spread his arms out like Charlie does; is too afraid he’ll lose his balance, but he has a feeling that he’s living through his own coming of age film as Huening Kai and Beomgyu bubble over with loud, infectious laughter; Taehyun poking his head out and twisting his body around to take a photo of the three boys and Yeonjun whooping loudly. They’re driving out of the tunnel, screaming into the air with the open sky unfolding above them, the overhead lights replaced by glimmering stars.

Adrenaline is rushing to Soobin’s brain, blood coursing through his veins, and it’s impromptu (coming of age) movie marathons, it’s karaoke rooms where all five scream the lyrics to sad ballads, it’s quiet nights curled up in his bed by himself, going over every precious photo in his box, and Soobin feels so full, his heart threatening to burst.

Soobin, Huening Kai and Beomgyu plop back down, a laughing mess of limbs, and Soobin grabs the small backpack lying abandoned in the corner and lies down on his back, hugging the backpack to his chest, knees bent and feet planted on the rusty surface of the trailer. It’s not very comfortable, but he can see the clear, dark sky expanding above him, vast and unending, the moon following the car as they drive. Yeonjun speeds up considerably now that they’ve sat back down. Heroes end, the song switching onto The Smiths’ Asleep – also a staple for The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Huening Kai lies down next to him, as Beomgyu sits cross-legged, watching the road as he softly sings along. He reaches out to undo Soobin’s and Huening Kai’s shoelaces with a smug smile, tying them together with triple knots.

Soobin pulls out the Polaroid camera, taking a photo of the moon, and he’s sure every photo he’s taken is dark and blurry, but he can’t find it in himself to care. He isn’t sure for how long they’re driving, thinks Yeonjun just drives around for the sake of driving, taking random turns here and there.

Yeonjun finally makes a turn at a narrow gravel road, the road angling slightly upwards, a thick growth of trees surrounding the car on both sides, until they grow sparse, and they’re on the small cliff they usually flee to on days when everything gets too much, or when their small town feels even smaller than usual; streets devoid of life. Blackbird by The Beatles cuts off abruptly when Yeonjun turns off the motor, and Soobin slowly sits up. The cliff looks different at night, more threatening, the edge looming under them, as if the car could drive over it at any time.

Soobin and Huening Kai undo Beomgyu’s triple knots, with some difficulty, as Beomgyu jumps down over the side of the trailer. Huening Kai does the same, but Soobin has to climb, not quite as athletic as the others are.

“I was a pretty good driver, right?” Yeonjun says, shamelessly fishing for compliments, as Taehyun rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, you were amazing, hyung,” Soobin says, watching Yeonjun’s mouth curl into one of Soobin’s favourite smiles, his grin so wide and contagious that his eyes smile as well. The boys walk up to the edge of the cliff – it’s not a cliff, really, it’s too small and puny to be a real one – and sit down on the grass, Huening Kai, Taehyun, Beomgyu, Soobin and Yeonjun (in that order), their feet dangling over the edge. No one says a word, and Soobin watches their hometown under them, the lights from the windows looking like small pinheads.

“You should’ve kept the music on,” Beomgyu says, voice cutting through the comfortable silence. He leans his head onto Taehyun’s shoulder.

“You sing, then,” Yeonjun says, leaning forward to look at Beomgyu who frowns, lifting his head.

“You’re too small, it’s uncomfortable,” he tells Taehyun, leaning back on his hands instead. Taehyun smacks him on the shoulder.

“We’re the same height,” he grumbles.

“Yeah, that’s why it’s uncomfortable,” Beomgyu says, kicking with his legs, Huening Kai mimicking the action.

“Soobinnie is tall,” Yeonjun says, putting his head on Soobin’s shoulder, who startles a little, but smiles, resting his head on top of Yeonjun’s. The elder’s chestnut brown hair is tickling his cheek. They sit, eyes roaming over the idle town, the wind blowing their worries away, tiny bugs flying around their faces. They talk about everything and nothing; school, their dreams for the future, Taehyun’s new neighbors, Huening Kai’s petty fight with his sister, who they think they’d be if they’d been born as someone else, all while sucking on the lollipops Soobin had brought along. 

Soobin does a dramatic reenacting of another scene from the movie; the homecoming scene, pulling Yeonjun up to dance while Beomgyu plays Come on Eileen from his phone. All boys scream along to the lyrics (Soobin and Yeonjun know the entire song; Beomgyu, Huening Kai and Taehyun only know the chorus, but shouts along to the verses nonetheless). Soobin spins Yeonjun around clumsily, both laughing until their stomachs ache, and Huening Kai, who plays Charlie, jumps to his feet to join them, the other boys cheering him on.

* * *

“I’m really happy you forced us to do this, Soobin hyung,” Huening Kai says, voice drowsy, as the five of them are lying on the grass by the car, staring up at the clusters of stars splattered onto the sky. Soobin looks at the moon, glowing yellow and round like a coin.

“Yeah. It was kind of silly at first, and possibly life threatening, but apart from that it was pretty fun,” Taehyun says, arm stretched up towards the sky, one eye winked shut, his thumb and pointer finger pinching around the moon.

“As if _you_ were going to die,” Yeonjun laughs, from where he’s lying next to Soobin. “You called dips on not standing up,”

Taehyun clicks with his tongue as Soobin giggles.

“Details hyung,” Taehyun says.

“I bet you regret not going now,” Beomgyu says, voice smug. “It was really fun,”

He stretches the last word out into a loud yawn, covering his mouth with one hand.

“I was so scared,” Huening Kai snickers, as Soobin hums in agreement.

“Yeah, me too. I thought I was going to die at first,” he admits. Yeonjun turns his face sideways to look at him.

“I drove slowly so you wouldn’t fall,” he says, tone soft, and Soobin reaches out to take the elder’s hand.

“I know, hyung. I noticed,” he says, squeezing.

“I think everyone on the road noticed,” Taehyun says drily. “Did you see the guy who flipped us off while he drove past us?”

Soobin snorts. “Really?”

“Yeah. Why can’t people just let us reenact movie scenes in peace,” Yeonjun says with mock-dismay.

“Does that mean you guys wanna reenact more stuff later?” Soobin asks playfully, head still turned to look at Yeonjun.

“I guess it depends,” Yeonjun answers, turning his face away to stare up at the sky. His voice is quiet.

“On what?”

Soobin’s gaze follows the line of Yeonjun’s side profile from his forehead, to the point of his nose, stopping at his mouth to watch the elder’s lips quirck upwards into a faint smirk.

“Is it gonna be as dangerous?”

Soobin laughs, smacking the older boy on his chest.

“I won’t reenact any Fast and Furious movies, if that’s what you’re asking,”

Yeonjun cracks an easy grin. “I was hoping you’d go for an action movie, though,”

“Shut up, hyung,” Soobin laughs. “You know I only ever watch coming of age movies,”

“And the Shrek movies,”

“Yeah. And the Shrek movies. Maybe we can reenact the dancing scene from Shrek 2 next time,”

“Do I get to play the prince?”

“Sure. Whatever you want, hyung,” Soobin says, voice fond. They’re quiet for a while, silence enveloping them like a heavy blanket, and Soobin’s hand gets tingly, then numb.

“Yeonjun hyung,” he murmurs, staring up at the unwavering moon. Yeonjun hums.

“Are you excited for graduation?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait till the day I don’t have to wake up at ass o’clock in the morning anymore,” Yeonjun says, snickering.

“In college the schedule is irregular, right?”

“Yeah. Not like here,”

Soobin’s throat tightens.

“I’ll miss you when you leave,” Soobin mutters. He’s still staring up at the moon, imagining the craters and cracks of the bumpy surface. In the periphery of his vision, he sees Yeonjun move, leaning up onto his forearms.

“I’ll miss you too, Binnie,” he says. “But I’ll visit you all the time,”

Soobin hums noncommittedly.

“Binnie,” Yeonjun says, trailing off. “You know I can’t live without you guys right?”

Soobin turns his head to return Yeonjun’s gaze. Yeonjun’s bottom lip is jutting out in a barely noticeable pout, a slight frown between his eyebrows.

“I’ll only be an hour away,” Yeonjun continues, voice reassuring.

 _An hour and a half_ , Soobin wants to correct him.

“Sam and Patrick came back to visit Charlie too, remember?” Yeonjun reasons, and Soobin snorts.

“I know,” he says. “And I really _am_ happy for you. I’m just…” he says, trailing off. The corners of Yeonjun’s lips pull up into a faint, understanding smile.

“Me too. Let’s hang out every day this summer. We’ll do whatever you wanna do, Binnie,”

“Once school starts again, I’ll visit you personally to beat you up if you don’t come home often,” Soobin threatens, poking Yeonjun in the side and Yeonjun giggles, sounding the furthest from a soon to be college student. Yeonjun’s laughter suddenly dies in his throat, as he gently nudges Soobin.

“Hey, I think the others are sleeping,” he mutters, and Soobin lifts his head from the ground, to see that the others have indeed fallen asleep, one of Huening Kai’s arms thrown over Taehyun’s chest, and Beomgyu’s limbs spread out like a giant starfish; a pink, uneaten lollipop dangling from one hand. Soobin sits up, snickering slightly as Taehyun snores. He looks at Yeonjun who gestures towards a small bench placed a bit further away from the sleeping boys. Soobin nods, letting Yeonjun pull him to his feet, and they softly step around the other boys, careful not to wake them. Yeonjun bends down to pick up Soobin’s yellow Polaroid camera from where it’s lying next to Beomgyu’s sleeping form, gently dusting if off, rubbing on a faint stain on the bottom right corner while they sneak away from the others on light feet, and it’s almost stupid how it’s this simple action that does the trick.

* * *

Soobin’s most prized possession, the box lying under his bed, is filled to the brim with Polaroid photos he has accumulated since the tender age of 15, where his parents had gifted him the exact same camera that Yeonjun is handing over to him with a slightly scolding but fond “you shouldn’t just abandon it on the ground like that,”

Soobin takes photos of all kinds of things he sees in his life, mostly of the sunset and his friends, but the subject who makes the most appearances on the photographs is Yeonjun; Yeonjun’s laugh, Yeonjun’s smile, Yeonjun’s grumpy pout, Yeonjun, Yeonjun, Yeonjun.

And maybe, Soobin is just a little bit obsessed. 

Or a lot.

But how can he help it when it’s always Yeonjun? 

Yeonjun who jumps at the chance of rewatching Soobin’s favourite movies for the umpteenth time, Yeonjun who buys him film for his camera without Soobin even having to ask for it, Yeonjun who knows every lyric to all of Soobin’s favourite songs (including every song on the soundtrack of The Perks of Being a Wallflower). And Soobin loves all his boys more than he can ever describe in words, but the way he loves Yeonjun is different, has probably been different for a long time.

He’d fallen in love with Yeonjun slowly, steadily, without even noticing, Yeonjun edging from “the same” to “different” with tiny, minimal movements at a time, so unlike the way Soobin would instantly indulge in his newest fixations, spilling everything he loves about it in large walls of text to Yeonjun, who is always so willing to listen, even when he has little to no interest in the topic in question.

As Soobin watches the older boy, a single piercing in his left ear reflecting the light from the moon, he _realizes_ , and his feelings are so all encompassing that Soobin isn’t sure he can contain everything in his body. Instead, he reaches out to take Yeonjun’s hand the same way he’s done so many times before, his bigger hand enveloping Yeonjun’s smaller one, his heart beating at an irregular pace. Yeonjun smiles, and Soobin had always thought his favourite smile was the one where Yeonjun’s grin is bright and happy, but the soft, tender smile that turns Yeonjun’s eyes into half-moons makes Soobin’s heart clench in his chest.

“Don’t move,” Soobin says, and Yeonjun’s smile is replaced by a confused frown as Soobin lets go of the older boy’s hand to hold up the camera. Yeonjun groans, but there’s no edge to it.

“You moved,” Soobin whines, looking at Yeonjun through the lens. 

“Oh god, Soobinnie,” Yeonjun says with fond exasperation. “Don’t you have at least 50 photos of me already?” he complains, and Soobin feels his cheeks heat up.

“Please, hyung?” he pleads. “Pretty please?”

The gentle smile is back, and Soobin peeks briefly over, past the camera, watching Yeonjun’s sharp eyes turn soft in a way his camera can’t seem to capture. Soobin holds his breath as he clicks with his pointer finger.

“There, happy?” Yeonjun says, tone mild and gentle, and Soobin nods as the camera spits out the photo. He waves it in the air, but doesn’t look at it, instead putting it in the inner pocket of his windbreaker.

“Hey Soobinnie?” Yeonjun asks as Soobin zips his jacket up. Soobin hums. “Wanna dance?”

“Won’t that wake the others? We’ve already reenacted that scene too,” Soobin says, putting the camera on the bench. “Remind me to take it later,” Soobin says.

“You’ll remember it,” Yeonjun assures him, and this time he’s the one grabbing Soobin’s hand, both of them, and he softly tugs at Soobin, taking a few steps backward, as Soobin stumbles after him.

“H-hyung?” he stutters unsurely, as Yeonjun smiles at him encouragingly. “I have to practice for the senior dance,” he says, firmly placing Soobin’s hands on his waist and Soobin giggles.

“Okay, hyung,” he says, cheeks still a bit warmer than usual, as Yeonjun links his hands behind Soobin’s neck. They stand there, not really dancing, more like swaying, and Soobin looks at anywhere but Yeonjun, willing himself to act normal, the way he always does around the other boy.

“It’s weird without music,” Soobin admits, feeling silly as they sway from side to side. He can’t see why Yeonjun has to practice something so simple, but clamps his mouth tightly shut, not really wanting to let go of the older boy. Yeonjun hums noncommittedly, and then he’s singing, softly, his honeyed voice barely audible. It’s the first verse of Landslide, Soobin realizes with a snort.

“Hyung, that’s so cheesy,” he says. Yeonjun keeps going, his smile growing as his mouth forms the words of the song, and Soobin feels sillier by the minute, but he’s so, so obsessed. He curls his back slightly to press his cheek against Yeonjun’s shoulder as the older boy sings the chorus, his voice as gentle and soft as a pillow as if singing Soobin to sleep.

_But time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I’m getting older too._

Soobin interrupts Yeonjun at the beginning of the second chorus, lifting his head from where it’s resting on Yeonjun’s shoulder. “Yeonjun hyung,” he says, his voice low and quiet, and Yeonjun stops singing. “What is it, Binnie?”

“Thank you for doing this,” Soobin says, voice sincere, hands never leaving Yeonjun’s waist. Yeonjun’s expression softens.

“Anything for you, Binnie,” he says, and Soobin wills himself to remember how Yeonjun’s eyes are shining as if entire galaxies are reflected in them. Soobin feels the incontrollable urge to do _something, anything_ before he implodes in on himself; a dying star amongst the immeasurable specks floating within the Milky Way he’s staring into.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper, watching Yeonjun’s eyes widen, a small gasp escaping past his lips. Yeonjun’s grip on Soobin’s neck tightens a fraction as he nods wordlessly and they’re both leaning forwards, Soobin and Yeonjun (Soobin isn’t sure in what order and he doesn’t particularly care anymore), moving tentatively with all the innocent wonder of teenage boys, and suddenly they’re kissing, Soobin’s nose pressing against Yeonjun’s cheek. Yeonjun’s lips are soft and plump, still dusted with the faintest traces of the grape lollipop he’d eaten earlier, and his hands are warm on Soobin’s neck. It’s over as quick as it begins, Soobin being the first to pull away from the kiss.

“Soobin,” Yeonjun murmurs, and Soobin’s heart is beating out of control, so he rests his forehead on Yeonjun’s as if to steady himself. They both let out small laughs, shaky and breathless as they stand on the cliff. Soobin’s head drops back down to its previous position, burying his nose in the crook of Yeonjun’s warm neck, his arms wrapping tightly around Yeonjun’s smaller form. Yeonjun rests his chin on Soobin’s left shoulder, drawing lazy patterns on Soobin’s back with one finger; spirals, stars, flowers and connecting eights starting from the point between Soobin’s shoulder blades and down to his lower back, as they sway gently from side to side, like a tree dancing in the wind.

* * *

It’s way past midnight when the boys make their way back home, Huening Kai, Taehyun and Beomgyu drowsily leaning up against one another in the backseat of the dimly lit car. Soobin casts sideways glances at Yeonjun, a hand occasionally sneaking out to rest on top of Yeonjun’s when he shifts gears. Yeonjun drives all boys home (Soobin isn’t sure of the order, hasn’t paid attention to it). They leave the trailer at Beomgyu’s house, the boy offhandedly remarking that he’ll return it to his neighbor tomorrow, yawning and waving as Yeonjun starts the car again, and Soobin watches Beomgyu become smaller and smaller in the side-mirror. No one says anything about how Yeonjun lives closer to Beomgyu, about how it would have been easier to drop off Soobin first instead of saving him for last. 

When Yeonjun pulls up in front of Soobin’s house, the air heavy with the knowledge of something having changed between them, Soobin leans over, pressing a quick, shy kiss to his cheek.

“Goodnight, Jjunie hyung,” he says, one hand on the door handle, about to leave the car, before Yeonjun pulls him back, warm, calloused hand on the back of Soobin’s neck, to press a lingering kiss to Soobin’s forehead, murmuring a quiet “sleep tight, Soobinnie” against it.

Soobin gets out of the car and stands on his driveway, backpack slung over one shoulder, watching the retreating taillights of the car.

* * *

As Soobin had expected, all the Polaroids from that night are dark, blurry, and far from the best photos he has taken. They’re his favourite regardless. He puts all of them into the box under his bed, sorted after the time they’d been taken – the photo of the road with the blurry, red car; the one he’d taken of Huening Kai, dark hair blowing wildly; an almost black picture of the sky; and a few Beomgyu had taken of the other boys, Soobin included. The only photograph he leaves out of the box is the one he’d taken of Yeonjun while the others were sleeping. In the photo Yeonjun’s eyes are crinkling, the corners of his lips turned upwards into a soft, tender smile, and Soobin traces the lines of the photo as he lies curled up in his bed, his face mirroring the same gentle smile. Moonlight spills through the curtains into his room as he thinks of Yeonjun singing as they were swaying on the grass, and maybe, just maybe, Soobin prefers his own life over any of his treasured coming of age films; his own semi-uneventful experiences over glamorous movie scenes; a rusty, old trailer over a pickup truck; his own friends over Charlie’s friends; Yeonjun’s innocent kisses over passionate film kisses. 

Soobin traces the lines of the photograph, the curve of Yeonjun’s mouth, his washed out silhouette, the barely visible trees, until he has it all memorized, is sure he’ll remember it for the rest of his life. He falls asleep with the picture tucked into his chest right next to his heart, which beats steadily to the syllables of Yeonjun’s name.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading if you've made it this far. i know it's kind of a niche fic with all the specific references, and i'm really sorry if i confused you lmao - i'll be the first to admit that this fic is purely selfindulgent lol. i figured i would share it here anyways! it's my first fic so pls be nice, i'm fragile lmao.
> 
> comments and kudos are much appreciated! come talk to me about yeonbin and movies (it doesn't have to be the perks of being a wallflower, but it _could_ be) on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/hyukaang)


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